you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
