walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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