I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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