i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
