he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
