wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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