theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
