This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
