R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
