I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
