nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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