I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im part way to drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
