I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
