if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
