She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
