she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
