Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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