Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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