I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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