I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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