Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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