Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
