Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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