I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i dont even know how to be here
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
