there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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