I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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