Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
