Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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