I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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