If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
