Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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