Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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