yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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