i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
