Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
