You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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