This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
