She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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