do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
