What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His nipple licking is glorious
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