Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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