She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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