just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
