Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
