So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had sex on a roof
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
