I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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