My first STD was from a foam party
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
did you just send me my own nude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
