if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
