I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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