I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
