its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
